This is a good website for venting. I've been visiting here for quite a few years and many, many of the letters we "old-timers" have addressed are full of frustrations. Although some people seem to be able to just pick up a hook or the needles and jump right in, most people go through a lot of irritation before feeling competent to start a small project. My last knitting class numbered about 15 and only one person who had had no prior experience caught on immediately. The others struggled for most of the first session. At the end of that session everybody was able to work a few rows, but only the whiz girl and one boy were completely confident. But by the end of the second session everybody was moving at pretty much the same pace.

I'm a lot like you; I enjoy solitary activities. In the baby days of home computers I taught myself everything I needed to know from manuals. I even figured out how to program my WP program to include several things that eliminated excessive keystrokes. These were adopted as the standard in our company at the time. It wasn't the fear of being laughed at or yelled at, but in the area I live in there were no courses available.

Needlework has always been the same story. Although I had learned very rudimentary knitting with a boyfriend (we bought a book and figured it out together), I taught myself everything else with the use of the very poor instructions that were available to me at the time. I also taught myself how to crochet with the same poorly illustrated book, mirroring all of the pictures because I'm left-handed. It was terribly slow-going at first, but in the end it paid off. There was no one to help either. The Internet would have been a blessing.

The reason I bring all of this up is that, although you will probably resist this, I'm going to recommend that if there is a group that you can join you could benefit immensely from the company, the experience of others, and the structured routine. Most groups are made up of people with all sorts of interests and levels of expertise. They are usually free and no one is there to yell at anyone or make fun of them. There is no worse situation to be in when you are frustrated than to feel that you are the only person who just can't do it. Maybe five minutes with someone who holds a hook or the needles in a different manner or someone who can show you his/her method of casting-on (there are dozens) would provide that "aha" moment you need to break through the frustration barrier.

Now I'm going to say hard things. 1. You HAVE to hold the yarn both when you are knitting and crocheting. It is the only way you can control the tension and produce an even fabric. If it feels "unnatural" you'll have to find another way to do it. The good news is that there is no one right way of doing it. Anyone who tells you that there is should be avoided. 2. Having CTS is not going to make things easier. Both knitting and crocheting are repetitive activities and there are many posts at this forum and the other two which address these issues. 3. Taking on a new skill with its baggage of difficulties is not going to make your life any calmer. In the future, knitting and crocheting may prove to be the things that save your sanity (they have seen many of us here through some of the toughest things life can deal up), but for now they are going to dish up a host of other frustrations.

Can you get to a library? If so, borrow a whole bunch of "how-to books." They are infinitely better illustrated than when I was learning and often better than videos in that you can see the process, step-by-step, very clearly. If you want to buy a good manual on the cheap hit a craft or discount store and try Leisure Arts "I Can't Believe I'm (Knitting, Crocheting)" or "10 - 20 - 30 Minutes to (Knitting, Crocheting)" because the illustrations are excellent.

What video helped you? Maybe that will give us a clue to forward you to other good sites.